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When a developing connection with someone is cut off, the mind continues to work on it in a vacuum. Like an engine starved for fuel, you continue to imagine how to advance things forward with them in fantasy.
*****
It had been a year since I cut off contact, and 2 weeks since we reconnected. In some ways the 2 weeks seemed just as long as the gap before, but I was very aware of the distance remaining between us. Her relationship had ended unhappily, and I still had no desire to question her about it. Now she was living at home again, where she’d been the last time I’d seen her, standing in the drive watching as I reversed out. Even after I’d given her a hug and moved to leave respectfully, she had tried to explain…that had been a painful day, but not the worst. Then a year later, seemingly out of the blue, she’d reached out. I’d responded cautiously, protecting myself, but with a few conversations and casual dates we’d developed something comfortable, if still uncertain. Now, after everything, here I was in her cramped bedroom with all its familiar contents: crystals, bracelets, incense, balms and other cosmetics crowding the vanity table squeezed next to her bed, clothes and shoes too numerous to fit in the small closet, still covered by the brightly patterned Guatemalan cloth I’d given her. The cat bed was gone…something else we hadn’t discussed. I allowed myself to notice the strangeness of being back here.
*****
Julie had somewhat contradictory personality traits, which must have drawn me to her. In social settings she presented as a proudly sexual woman who was always up for some innuendo and sometimes flaunted slutty exploits from her past. But she also carried powerful, sometimes crippling social anxieties, and could easily fall into broadcasting negativity about herself and others. Chronic pain from a back injury had taken away much of her independence and found her living at home with her alcoholic parents in her late 20s. I was in my 30s and had lived alone for many years. Although in many ways we were worlds apart, deep down I longed to see her rising out of her situation, just as I wanted to improve my own life. I guess I’ve got sympathy for social awkwardness.
Julie’s pain made it difficult for her to stay active, but she maintained a nicely shaped body with numerous little quirks I would later find myself attached to. She was pale-skinned, with straight brown hair that hung past her shoulders, a cute face with brown eyes, and a proud nose with a little sideways bend in it. She gained a shy, slightly elfish appearance when she tucked her hair behind her ears. My attraction was undeniable, and after some initial bouncing off each other’s insecurities and traumas, she eventually began to send occasional smiles in my direction which only reinforced my feelings. Through various difficulties in each of our lives, we had managed a wonderful year of seeing each other weekly, before she decided to get back together with her ex görükle escort bayan for a “proper relationship.” What exactly she wanted with me now was something we were still working towards, but we’d admitted we still missed each other, and that seemed to be enough for tonight.
*****
We’d come back to hers after a meal in town. She had suggested she could show me some new crystals, but the conversation over dinner had grown increasingly intimate, and sexual tension had been building with it. When seeing Julie before, I maintained a focussed, calming presence around her. It seemed to be the only way to mitigate her anxiety enough for us to connect. We’d had some excellent sex, despite her frustrations with her back pain, but I’d always wondered at the difference between what we were doing and what she boasted about doing and wanting. What kind of sex could we share now, after things went the way they did?
She had left me in her room while she went to the toilet, and as I stood there remembering, the light switch flicked off behind me, leaving the room illuminated by a yellow salt lamp and a blue night light in the corner. I turned to find her walking straight into my arms for a wordless kiss. It was passionate and firm, our breathing quickening, hands instinctively revisiting old caresses. I felt the curves of her large breasts against me, the contact exhilarating even through our clothes. We made out like teenagers for about 15 seconds before stepping back for a breath and looking at each other. Julie seemed to want to speak but she was nervous. Too much time had passed for us to fall back into our old rhythm. “Hey…ok if we talk for a second? I can try…” I started. She said “yeah,” relieved I’d taken the initiative.
Julie had a strong aversion to even the slightest hint of confrontation, and I knew I had to make myself vulnerable for there to be a chance of her opening up. No matter how many times I’d imagined myself saying this, it didn’t come easily. “When I first decided to ask you out…” I made eye contact and found her warm, not tensed to shut down. Good start. “…and I thought there was a chance we’d be hooking up…” I breathed and stayed on her face. “…I was, a little intimidated by you, with all of your sexual experience. I wanted to be open and happy and ready to explore with you, take some healthy risks. Who knows what we were going to get into…” I grinned shyly and left the details to her imagination. She’d certainly had some suggestions but had never followed up. “But somehow…” I reached out and squeezed her hand, smiling softly “…when we actually got there…” I drew closer, parted her hair with my nose as I nuzzled her cheek by her right ear, and gave her a gentle kiss and lick on the sensitive spot just behind her jawline “…you started asking me for ‘cuddles,’ and you couldn’t even say S-E-X.” I put all my positivity into it, desperately willing her not to feel teased but to engage with me. I altıparmak eskort think I’d said enough, so I just smiled as I backed off slightly with another light kiss on her lips, searching her face and giving her the chance to respond.
As she looked at me, arms around my neck, she inhaled nervously and gave a little hum of frustration that I remembered all too well. For a moment I was sure I had lost her, that she would fall back into the defensive posturing that had held her back from so much in her life. She looked away briefly before returning to my eyes. It was a look that struck me deeply: had she ever really managed to trust me, despite all my efforts and positivity? But I felt at peace with what I’d said, what we’d had, and who I was, and from then on I was relaxed and committed to the experience, even if it fell apart on us.
When she spoke again it was quieter and softer than I was used to. “I wanted you so much…” she said, and delivered a staggering kiss, pushing her tongue smoothly into my mouth for a few seconds before retreating again. My erection had hesitated as I’d spoken to her, but I had to push out a breath as it surged to life again. “…I just didn’t know how to…” she drifted off, then looked at me as she pulled off her shirt. Her soft, pale skin shone brightly in yellow and blue. I could see a new tattoo below her collarbone, under the bra strap. She reached back and took that off too, but as I moved to touch her, she pushed my arms back so she could grab the bottom of my shirt and start pulling it off me. I slowly removed the shirt myself, and as I tossed it aside I discovered that she had quietly dropped to her knees while my face was covered. She looked up at me, tucking her hair behind her ears before running her fingers over the bulge of my cock through my shorts. “The sex was already so good…” she said as she pulled down with both hands on the front of my waistband, exposing just the head of my cock to the warm air. The room was silent except for our breathing. She swirled her tongue gently around the underside of my tip for several very long seconds before resuming eye contact. I let out a slow breath through my nose as I eased my shorts and briefs down over my hips and off, exposing myself to her.
“I felt like I might ruin things if I went too far…” she said, her eyes on mine. I could feel her warm breath on me as she spoke, keeping her face close to the underside of my cock. She stroked along the sides of my stiffness with the fingertips of both hands, gently angling me towards her mouth. “…I’ve had problems with that before.” The eye contact and sensations on my skin focussed my mind, and I took in every detail as she dipped her face down to take me in her mouth. Just past her naked shoulders I glimpsed the large back tattoo, the one she got when we were seeing each other, that I’d helped her care for. With her hair out of the way I could see her lips in the yellow lamplight nilüfer escort as the head of my cock disappeared between them, and further down I could see the pale skin of her beautiful bare tits. I let out another slow breath and a moan while her tongue swirled around, keeping me in her mouth.
Julie bobbed up and down on my dick a few times before pulling it out and looking back up at me. “I wanted to do so many things with you…” she moved down, holding onto my stiffness with one hand and gently cupping my balls with the other. She ran the tip of her tongue slowly up the underside of my shaft, a slight grin visible in the corner of her mouth as she locked eyes with me. My arousal was almost overwhelming, but I relaxed, focussed, and let her be in control. She continued to talk, watching my face, and whenever she ran out of words or got nervous, she would slip my cock into her mouth, gradually taking more of me each time. “Maybe go for a bush walk with you…” “…and fuck you outside…” “…maybe get you to tie me up…” “…maybe find someone to join us…” “…but whenever I started kissing you, I couldn’t…” “…think properly…” “…you were so good with your tongue…” She teased the underside of my cock again before slowly taking me all the way into her mouth, humming gently. I groaned with pleasure, gently stroking her cheek and running my fingers through her hair, down the back of her head, and onto her shoulder. My cock twitched, and she chuckled and grinned as best she could with her mouth full of me.
I popped out of her mouth as she looked up at me again, her eyes now filled with playful desire. She jerked me off slowly, watching my face to see how her touch and words were affecting me. I communicated back with my hands on her face, head, and shoulders. “I just didn’t want to ruin a really, really good thing…” “…but, now that you told me how you felt…” “…maybe we can try more together.” She pulled back and moved her hand faster, watching me. “You know, I always wanted you to cum in my mouth.” “You want that?” I said with a groan, losing myself in her dark eyes. She nodded and licked her lips. “I want to feel you…” I realised suddenly that I was close to cumming. I held the back of her head with my left hand and guided her towards me, and as she put me in her mouth she reached back and grabbed my ass with both hands, pulling me into her. I could feel her tits against my legs as I fucked her mouth. It only took about 6 or 7 thrusts before I felt myself smoothly going over the edge. I squeezed her shoulder and said “Oh f-f-f-” as I felt it take me, relaxing my muscles as much as possible, giving the involuntary spasms full rein. She hummed in response as I pulsed in her mouth again and again. She had always enjoyed my orgasms, as I had hers. This one peaked for around 10 seconds, and continued with delightful warm waves washing from head to toe even as she swallowed my cum and licked me clean. I sat down with her on the floor as I caught my breath, eager for contact, kissing her and laughing with pleasure. I felt invigorated, and was already getting turned on again thinking about returning the favour for her.
“Do you want to stay over?”
I smiled back, thinking of the sexual horizons we would chase together.
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